Ode to Murphy's Wood Oil

In continuing my breakdown of her inability to clean I recall that she began using Murphy's Wood Oil Soap on the floor. The instructions on how to use it go like this:

http://www.ehow.com/how_6159014_use-oil-soap-wood-floors.html
Instructions

1. • 1
     Pour ¼ cup of Murphy Oil Soap into a bucket. Add 1 gallon of warm water.
   • 2
     Stir the contents with a long-handled brush. Stir until the soap mixes well with the water and becomes sudsy.
   • 3
     Place a clean mop into the soap mixture. Gently wring the mop out to make it damp.
   • 4
     Apply a small amount of pressure when mopping the wood floor. Continue to dip the mop into the bucket and wring out the solution once the mop does not appear as damp as before.
   • 5
     Dry the floor off with a clean towel.

     
     

     Here is how my land lady uses the product:

     1) Pour on the floor

     2)Leave it.

     
     

     We first discovered that she may not be using it right when my roommate and I came home at the same time. My roommate ,who just got home from work wearing dress shoes, slide across the floor in a speed unobtainable to an unaided man. I am pretty sure I saw sparks. I, in my sneakers, suffered a similar fate. I had on sneakers, whose only purpose is to keep traction as I run. They proved to have no power over the wood soap. My feet slipped beneath me and I was up in the air...all +200lbs of me. As I hovered in the air, reaching a hang time that Michael Jordan would be jealous of, I was at peace. I had slipped the surly bonds of Earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings. Time and Space had no meaning. However my enemy would not let me got that quickly and gravity once again took hold. I hit the ground with a spat and continues to slide across the floor for several minutes.

     I asked my roommate if he had some sort of metaphysical experience as he slide. He said he heard "Space Oddity" by David Bowe

     The oiling of the floor continued for several months. We began to notice that the floor began to warp and some of the wood panels began to separate. We attributed to her care of the floor or lack of. We brought it to the attention of boss of bosses...they guy who runs this housing thing. He thought it was caused by a fault in the builders. Yeah he isn't too bright himself. When the floor is ruined and he has to pay for it to be replaced he will think about this conversation.

     One day, in a fit of rage, one of the roommates told her to stop using the wood oil on the floor.

     Footnote: One of my roommates is looking for a job. Our land lady told him he needs to act more Mexican. It was an odd statement because he is black and she is brazilian. She said mexicans will take any job regardless if they know what they are doing. 

     "I took this job and have never cleaned a house before in my life." She said.

     Yeah we know.