Paranormal Dumbtivity

Welcome to another installment of Shit My Land Lady Says. Today's episode is extremely scary. To read further is to risk sanity and wits. Nah who am I fooling? You stayed with it this long you might as well read further.

Monday, July 8th, 3AM. For some reason I can't sleep. Something has spooked me but I don't know what it is. I feel evil eyes are watching me. I go into the living room and turn on Comedy Central. Laughing will soothe my troubled soul. I hear a noise in the kitchen. No one should be up. Oh Hell no. I go back to bed. Yes that's right, I am not going to find out what it is. It might be the cat-boy from The Grudge or the girl from The Ring or the puppet on a tricycle from Saw. I realize I watch way too many scary movies. I close my eyes and let the soothe sounds of Maxwell carry me to sleep.

That morning something is amiss. I can't put my finger on it but something is not right. I shrug it off. I ain't got time for a haunted house.

Tuesday, July 7th, 2AM. I can hear movement in the living room. I lay in my bed frightened. Everyone is bed. Who or what is moving around this house? Is it The Blair Witch? I pull the covers over my head. What kind of man am I?

Wednesday, July 8th, 2AM. Right on cue the noises start up again. I decide to man the 'F' up. I slowly approach the bed room door. A shuffling noise can be heard out in the living room. I decide to man the 'F' down and go back to bed. Black people don't fair well in horror movies.

For the rest of the week we've had no activity. I thought the worst was behind me. I Thought wrong.

Monday, July 15th, 8AM. I wake up that morning and notice a hazy shine to the floor. There is an acrid chemical smell to the air. Did someone mop?

Tuesday, July 16th, 2AM. A loud noise wakes me. Is this it? Is this the moment when I confront the demon in my house? There is a strange light just outside my door. I am tired of being afraid. I open the door and come face to face with a horror straight from hell....


...my Land Lady cleaning. I guess she is now aware of the inadequate process that she uses to clean the house and now decides to clean while we are sleeping. This scares me to no end. She had to be told not to use Ammonia and Bleach together. What other chemical concoction could she be mixing while I sleep? And who uses and green flash light to clean the house in the middle of the night....and by green I mean the light is green not the flashlight cover?